Lice
by Kuraun Kuraun
Summary: Allen/Lenalee: When Allen brings home some unwanted pets Lenalee is determined to free him of them, much to his dismay.


_**Author's Note**_ - Hello, everyone! This is a one-shot I wrote specially for **Ozuchi-Kozuchi**. I thought I would share it with the rest of the FanFiction community. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer** - I do not own _D. Gray-Man_. The original plot and its characters are property of Katsura Hoshino.

* * *

"Eh?"

While Allen was in shock, Lenalee didn't look the least bit surprised. "Yes, you heard me correctly. You have head lice." She added after a while of silence on his part, "it's not _that _bad, Allen-kun."

"Not bad?" He exclaimed, "_bugs _are living in my hair. How'd they get there, anyway?"

She chuckled. "Really, Allen-kun, it's not the end of the world. I'll just go get Brother's lice-killing shampoo."

Allen eyed her dully. Not the end of the world? That was cancelled out immediately as she mentioned Komui! And if he ever gave his blood-sucking vampires to her... oh dear, he'd kill him. Knowing the maniac, he'd probably create some sort of restraining order as soon as news spread.

"No, no," he tried to turn the offer down, "it's alright, Lenalee. I'll just-"

"You'll just what? Keep them as pets? Charge them rent?" Lenalee crossed her arms across her chest, frowning at him. "Well, I highly suggest you give your _renters_ an eviction notice."

He tried to keep a straight face. He truly did. "Fine." He tried to scratch at his scalp, but she slapped his hand. "What? It _itches_!"

"You'll make it worse," she told him sternly. "I'll be right back." She paused at the doorway after opening the door, turning her head back to look at him and threaten, "and if Link tells me you were scratching your head, I'll tell Jerry not to make any mitarashi dango for you for a month."

Her threat did the trick. As he straightened his posture, trying to find anything to keep his mind off the itching, he saw Link roll his eyes and shake his head, continuing to jot down some notes in his journal. He always wondered what it was for. Obviously, it was to monitor him, but he couldn't help but to irk the man by calling it his personal diary.

Lenalee returned a couple of minutes later, shampoo in hand. He stared at the bottle in horror, debating whether or not he should make a break for it. For all he knew, the thing could contain toxic chemicals capable of doing God knows what. No way was he letting himself die at the hands of a crazy scientist's inventions.

"Are you sure I can't just give them an eviction notice?" he stuttered out, leaning against the arm of the chair she'd made him sit in as an effort to lean farther away from her. "It's rather unfair to just _kill_ them."

"What else do you propose that we do, then?" she snapped, irritated. "Allen, they're _lice_."

"I believe in saving everyone."

Lenalee let out a long sigh before squeezing some of the shampoo into the palm of her hand. "Allen, it's not dangerous," she told him and, much to his surprise, plopped it onto the top of her head. "See? Long as you don't _eat_ it you'll be fine. Or do you want me to just shave your hair off?"

"No!" he exclaimed, hands flying to his hair. The mental image of Kanda selling his hair to old men was unbearable. He wouldn't let that jerk win in a million years. A sly smile soon crossed his face, however. "Can I give it to Kanda?"

"Allen, you aren't going to give Kanda hair lice!"

"It'd do him good!" he protested. "With hair that long he's just _asking_ to be mistaken for a woman!"

"Yes..." she struggled for words, "well, that's just Kanda's lifestyle." He could swear he was hearing her snicker as she ran her hands through his hair, smothering it in the shampoo.

"Did I... just make you laugh?"

Although he was trying to determine if whether or not his eyes and ears were playing tricks on him, or if he was just hallucinating, Lenalee _was_ indeed laughing. In his years of knowing her, he'd never actually seen her laugh before. Giggle, sure, but laugh? No.

Yet, somehow it made his face heat up and his stomach stir. Her hands were gentle as they ran through his hair, drenching it in her brother's wacky science experiment. There was no way this was going to work. No experiment of his had ever been successful. But as she worked, keeping a slow pace to make certain every strand of his hair was attacked with that ridiculous shampoo of that scientist's, he felt himself relax. It sure did a good job soothing his itching scalp.

Well, least it did _something_.

"You always make me laugh," he heard her tell him.

"I do?"

She nodded. "Of course. You make everyone laugh, Allen."

"I've never seen you laugh."

She paused for a moment. "Sometimes I want to laugh, but I can't. It's inappropriate for a lady to laugh in public."

"But you consider all of us your family, don't you? Therefore it wouldn't be considered public or inappropriate."

"Old habits die hard," she replied, before glaring at him after catching him scratching his scalp. "Hey! What did I tell you about scratching there?"

"You said it yourself," he replied innocently. "Old habits die hard."

After she was satisfied with the amount of shampoo his hair was saturated, she dragged him out of his room, pulling and tugging at his arm as she led him to where the showers were. He frowned, ignoring everyone's gossip as he followed Lenalee through the crowd. Keeping a straight face proved to be difficult, however, when the crowd let out a loud cheer after Lavi energetically pointed at them and exclaimed, "how cute!"

Quickly, he took a shower, rinsing every ounce of shampoo gunk out of his hair. He scowled, however, as he got no results. Just dried-out, clumpy hair.

Well, it certainly was better than his hair catching on fire.

And so he bravely stepped back out into the halls, ignoring the laughter that carried after him, Link in tow. Lenalee was waiting in his room, a comb in hand and a bucket of water sitting on the desk. Defeated, he obeyed her orders and hesitantly sat down in the chair, soon regretting it as she began to comb through his hair.

As if it couldn't get anymore embarrassing.

His head jerked from side-to-side as she combed, picking the nits and dead lice out of his hair, his scowl deepening with every sharp pain that shot into his scalp. "Look down," Lenalee told him, and he did so, jumping slightly as the comb tickled the back of his neck.

After what seemed like hours, she finally announced that she was done, and he practically jumped out of the chair, afraid she'd try to continue combing his hair. Raising an eye brow as she started giggling, he opened his mouth to speak, but stopped as he felt something latch onto the back of his neck and poke around his hair, poking at his scalp. He spun around, expecting to find someone there, but found no one.

"It's just Tim," she informed him, still giggling. "I don't think he appreciated having to share your head." In response to that, Timcanpy spat out a lice.

"You _ate _them, Tim?" Allen asked. Said golem hissed at him in irritance. "Okay, okay, I get it. Only you get to nest in my hair."

"Well, that's it," Lenalee told him with a smile. "You're lice free."

Mentally proclaiming victory, Allen grinned. "Thanks, Lenalee."

"Don't mention it," she replied. "And don't worry," she added over her shoulder, "I won't let Brother know you doubted his invention!"

It was only then that he realized that her brother _had_, in fact, created a successful experiment. Astonishment struck him as he stared at the door in shock, all the butterflies in his stomach seeming to freeze along with him.

Today truly _was_ an odd day.

* * *

"Well, the good news is your scalp's healed," Lenalee told him precisely a week later. He grinned at her.

"That's because I haven't scratched it."

"Really? Now that's something new."

"Yes, well Tim stood on his word. He bit me every time he caught me, just like he promised you he would."

"So," she started, "the bad news is I forgot to clean your bed sheets."

"So?" he replied, staring at her suspiciously. Sheepishly, she offered him a sheepish smile, making his stomach drop.

Oh. Shoot.

"You have lice again."


End file.
